Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize