My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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