we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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