mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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