Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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