Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
