i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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