i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
