im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
