I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
