So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
