you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize