and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
