we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
