Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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