Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
