I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
are you so shy because you have an std?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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