i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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