oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
