Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
