I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
