I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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