I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
