oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
