walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
