jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
