I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize