omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
