just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
