The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
