I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
