That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
