My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
