if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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