Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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