Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
