just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
