I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
