Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize