dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
