about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
