On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
