I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
