Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize