they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
