and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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