The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
