I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
