Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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