I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
