I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
barbara walters just said penis...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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