Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
