Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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