and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
