There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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