i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
