just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
