I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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