My hand turned me down
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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