yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
