dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
