I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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