This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
