Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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