After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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