I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
