i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
