You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
