i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize