Plan B is the new Plan A
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a beard to bite.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
