"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
