You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
