Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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