on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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