he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
