If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize