It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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