Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
