The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
