Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
