a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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