i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
