it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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