12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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