don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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