Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
