dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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