what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My Higher Power is John Stamos
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
