there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
