Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
