I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
