please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
