Where is the hickey?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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