He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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