Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
false alarm. still invincible.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
