Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its not stalking. its research.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
