Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
