i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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