I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
