i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
