Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
