Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
