Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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