No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mom said you looked used
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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