Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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