You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Help. Why am I so naked?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
