she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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