Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
