apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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