Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
