he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
